Fifty Shades of Condemned.

First things first, I am a Christian.
Born and raised Christian.
I’m not always as devout as I would like,
but I do regularly attend a weekly bible study,
and I am currently observing Lent.

Moving on,
The other day I did something terrible…
I saw the Fifty Shades of Grey movie.
My sophomore year I also did something terrible…
I read the first book in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.
Oh, and by terrible, I just mean it was really just a poor use of my time.
Both were poorly executed.

I do not feel bad that as a Christian I elected to watch this movie and read this book…
Though many people would like to throw stones at Christians for supporting it.

Here’s why I’m not fifty shades of condemned like all the radical internet Christians would like you to believe…

(1) People say “it’s porn”
I’m here to tell you, other books and movies have sex.
If you have never seen a movie or read a book with a sex scene,
WOW, I am not even sarcastically applauding you.
That’s dedication, because sex sells and it is constantly being thrown in our faces.
The first book I remember reading that had sex in it… I got from my middle school library.
So to say we cannot view/read Fifty Shades because of the sex, is a little far-fetched.

(2) “There’s a lot of nudity”
This is not even a spoiler alert when I say, people get naked in this movie.
Yup, it happens, you’re shocked, I know.
But really what we see the most are Ana Steele’s boobs.
Well, I’d be lying if I said those were the first boobs I’d ever seen.
Mostly because… I have my own.
Also because I lived in a sorority house once.
And because I was a dancer most of my life and everyone changes in front of everyone backstage.
And I’ve always been attending summer camp since I was 6, and we all change together in the one big room we live in.
They’re just boobs, even the most hardcore Christians were most likely attached to one at some point in their infancy. Sorry not sorry.

(3) “It makes girls want relationships like this”
Please, find me a girl, I’m begging you.
Like I haven’t met a single person who “wants” this.
And even if they do, who cares, does it affect you?
Hey Christians, I love you, you’re my people,
But this is why people don’t like us…
Because someone makes their own adult decision, and you get offended. 
Didn’t your parents ever tell you, “it’s none of your business?”
Or if you’re Kevin Labude’s daughter, “it’s none of your beeswax…”

(4) Yo bro, it’s just fiction. 
Calm down.
this is fiction.
Remember in elementary school when the librarian taught us the difference between fiction and non-fiction,
Or did you miss that day?
Looks like you did and now you’re making an ass of yourself over a fictional story…
Your elementary school librarian is not proud of you.
Yeah it’s a pretty intense fiction story,
But the real world is a million times worse…
I’ve read “I Have Lived a Thousand Years”, a story of a survival during the Holocaust,
and I have read “A Child Called It”, a book about the abuse of a small child who had to live in a basement and eat his own fecal matter.
Fifty Shades of Grey is just sex… Those books are the real problem.

So if you have never seen a movie or read a book with sex,
And you have never seen any nudity in your life,
Sure, go ahead, condemn me,
Tell me I have sinned,

“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
John 8:7

But if you have seen a quick sex scene in a movie,
Or read that book where things got a little steamy once,
And one time you even saw a girls breasts,
Well then…

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Do not criticize others if you have similar weaknesses yourself.

So hey, maybe instead of getting outraged about what I spend $8 to watch,
Let’s get outraged about real problems in this world,
Like, oh I don’t know, actual abusive relationships instead of fictional ones?
Just an idea.



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