You never know where it’ll lead you.

Choices.
They’re what makes the world go round.
I changed my life when I chose Oklahoma State over all the other options.
I changed my life when I went home to Delta Delta Delta rather than the other sisterhoods that would have welcomed me home.
And I never knew how much I would change my life when I chose to work in Colorado and not in Alaska for summer 2013.
Every single time I make a choice I change my life.

But that doesn’t make them easy.
I guess my battle right now isn’t even that the two options I’m toying with are a choice.

In October I applied for an internship with the United States Government State Department, to work in a foreign embassy.
I interviewed with the US Embassy in Melbourne, Australia and with the US Embassy in Warsaw, Poland.
Earlier this week I was informed I was selected as the alternate and need to begin the process to receive secret level security clearance.

In January, I reapplied to Magic Sky Ranch.
I interviewed again the day before I was contacted by the US government.

I guess that’s funny how time works, right?
At the time of writing this I am wearing a MSR tshirt, but I can see my Polish soccer jersey sticking out of a drawer.

I guess I officially don’t have a choice yet, since I’m only the alternate.
But even being the alternate is big, and I’ve been assured, a fair amount of times, the alternate is the one who ends up with the internship.
Due to many different reasons.

But I’m struggling.
I can’t even make up the choice in my mind of which opportunity I want.

I think of the adult life I would have in Poland.
Working for the government,
Living in my favorite continent again,
Taking public transport too and from work back to my small apartment in the middle of a foreign country.
And doing the work that I want to do for the rest of my life.
I’m almost afraid it’s too adult, too alone, and too far. (Silly coming from me I know)
And how will my friends take it?

But on the other side, I think about my life in Colorado.
Living in tshirts and leggings, and a harness to boot.
Having my weekends off to be silly with my newly found sisters.
All the mountain pies and piggy parties my stomach can handle.
Another summer in my element of the Girl Scout world.
But again, I’m afraid.
Is it too much of the same ole thing?
Too juvenile?
Isn’t it time I get real world experience?

I know deep down I won’t be able to make the decision until I learn from the government if I will have the position or not.
And I know that there won’t be a decision to be made, truly.
If I am offered the position I will take it.
I’d be mental not to.
But I wish I could make up my mind on what my heart wants.
Because either way I’ll be bummed about which ever chance I don’t take.
But I’ll have an amazing summer either place I go.

I’m lucky–this is basically the equivalent of a first world problem.

Ultimately, it isn’t my choice to make,
I’ll just continue to pray that God will lead me to where I need to go this summer.

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