I’m not ready.

I’m 20 years old.
A junior in college.
And happy.

There are only two ways relationships can end…
A break-up or a marriage.
And I’ve always thought,
don’t date someone unless the idea of marrying them wouldn’t completely repulse you.

My social media timelines these days are full of rings, weddings, and babies.
And I get it, like y’all just do whatever makes you happy.
But the idea of marriage scares the hell out of me right now.

Like someday I would love a lace dress, a church wedding, and man at the end of the aisle overjoyed to spend his life with me.
But right now, all I really want are good grades, a puppy and a plane ticket to Europe.

My roommate and I have probably had the same conversation a million times this semester…
We are too young for that life right now.
I can hardly remember to feed myself, I would not be able to be a parent.
I can’t even decide what type of puppy I want the previously mentioned puppy to be…
How am I supposed to pick a life partner?

These are PERMANENT things.
Now my mom thinks that college is when I need to find him,
and that I’m being a little crazy that I have these HUGE plans after college that don’t involve a man.
She met my dad at college, and kudos, they’re a great couple.
Their marriage is still solid after 25+ years.

But, I’m just not ready.
I don’t want that ring by spring.
And hold on to your seat Greeks,
I don’t give a damn that I’ll never have a candlelight.

I’ll tell it to you straight, freshman Sarah, she cared.
Oh boy she cared.
But junior Sarah has some bigger dreams.

This all being said, if thats the path you choose, kudos.
But I full-heartedly believe that at the exact right moment God will lead me to my man,
and that man will be happy I didn’t settle down and have children with the first boy to give me attention when I got to college.
And that man, he’s going to think my dreams that I have a are beautiful, and he will push me to fulfill them.

If you know me, you know the man I will end up has big shoes to fill.
He needs to be able to handle a girl like me, but have a level enough head to tell me not every crazy scheme will work.
He needs to love the idea of the unknown, and want to board that flight to anywhere in the world.
But he also needs to be a planner, who will make me plan the trip to the unknown instead of leaving the second I decide.
He needs to be ok that I consider every place I live a home, and he needs to be willing to entertain the idea that maybe America isn’t where I need to be long term.
He needs to support the fact that sometimes I speak German and don’t notice it.

Yeah, I guess I am asking for a lot,
But that man is out there,
and if he isn’t?
Well so what. I’m still going to be me, be happy, laugh, and live.

I am a whole person.
Not one part of a two part whole.
Marriage is just part of the great adventure,
it is not the final destination.

Disclaimer: My mum is real worried that these views will scare away boys, so like if you want to like test your luck with me, I like Starbucks coffee and talking. I’m easy to please. Don’t be scared. 


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